It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
