my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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