Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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