To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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