The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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