Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
