Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
