dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize