Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
