put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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