I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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