I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
