i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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