I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I want a musical about memes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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