My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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