Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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