Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No stitches, just platelets and will power
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
