if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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