This is not my ceiling
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
