You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize