I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
