My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
