Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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