you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
