Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
