tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
