I got chris browned last night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i drank out of a bidet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
