What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
