i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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