I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize