no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
