Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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