my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
