My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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