Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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