Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
