like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
