I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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