Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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