I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
