I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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