we're blogging at a bar
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize