did you get engaged???
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
