i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
