No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
