The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
