forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
