we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
