I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize