If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
