Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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