I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
