In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize