bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sext me about skeletons
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize