Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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