These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This baby is an asshole
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Enjoy the penises
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
