The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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