still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think I sprained my soul last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
