forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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