Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
