There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
