I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
