every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
