and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
