dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
